They Will Kill You (2026)

Asia and her young sister Maria are on the run from their abusive father, and when he catches up with them Asia shoots him, but he is not dead so is rescued with Maria, while Asia is jailed. Ten years later Asia gets out of jail, and searching for Maria finds that she had been employed as a maid in the Virgil, a vast imposing building. With the help of a private detective Asia gains entry, posing as a new maid, and during her first night in the place is attacked by masked and cloaked people. But she came prepared and fights back and in time is rescued by Ray the husband of the lady who has posed as the superintendent of the building. Ray explains that the building is inhabited by rich people who in return for making occasional sacrifices to a pig’s head inhabited by the spirit of Satan, are given eternal life. Ray and Asia find Maria, who has been allowed to live and all three make it eventually to the top floor where they confront the evil pig’s head who bargains with their lives.

Content: Just a flash of people naked, engaging in an orgy. Ray says that eternal life gets a bit boring. Asia briefly in her underpants  when roused from sleep. No drinking, dugs or smoking. Mostly Asia wielding a variety of weapons, including a double barrelled sawn off shot gun and a machete. The inhabitants of the Virgil are mostly bumbling and are no match for her. She cuts off their limbs and heads and shoots one in the head with the gun, but they do not die, annoyingly regrowing the lost limbs and rejoining the fray. At times she and others escape in the internal vent system of the Virgil, rise through the floors in a dumb waiter and climb the lift shaft. There is the climax when they get to the top floor.

A View: I admit it was a slow film day here in Madrid, so my wife and I trekked into the city of Madrid to a Yelmo cinema to see this film. The screen claimed to be using a new laser display system. It did seem to work. But the film. Well, one of the inhabitants of the Virgil says, ‘we’re quite nice when you get to know us’.

There might be the film’s failing. I did keep wanting the know the residents better, possibly because they are played by actors we might know quite well. But if they had been more than bumbling targets for Asia, it would have been a different film altogether.  A sort of comedy horror then, but bear in mind that you probably won’t be laughing.

Fun Fact: The studio had obviously taken the trouble to fill in the IMDb trivia. Well done, but do try to make the items more realistic next time.