Beowulf (1999)

Plot of Beowulf: Beowulf is a warrior who comes upon a bunch of ragged people who are intent on executing a young woman with a vast cutthroat razor. She has apparently escaped from the adjacent steampunk castle where evil events are occurring. He rescues her and makes for the castle, but she does not want to go back so runs back towards the ragged populace, who kill her. In the castle Beowulf is introduced to Hrothgar the king, and his daughter Kyra. In the night people are killed by the monster Grendel including most of the civilian population who had been shut in the tower for safety. Also, in the night Grendel’s mother in the form of a sexy young woman visits Hrothgar. Beowulf becomes involved with Kyra, who may, in the past have killed her abusive husband and he must eventually come face to face with the monster, and its mother.

Content: Sex! Well, Grendal’s mother is a succubus who seems to gratify herself using Hrothgar’s sleeping form and it appears that Beowulf and Kyra have got together, but we only see them after the event. The ragged throng of soldiers outside the castle are an odd bunch, only there to be killed by Beowulf using his semi-automatic crossbows. In the castle which is portrayed having a smoking chimneys and rhythmically operating machinery, the solders have strange sorts of armour and odd weapons, for instance Hrothgar wielding what looks like a chain saw blade, but Beowulf sticking mostly to his very large sword. Kyra smoulders attractively.

A View: What were they thinking? This film is so terrible that it is almost worth watching. I have the feeling that there might be a better film there somewhere but what we see on screen does not really fit together very well. Even thinking about it I can’t really see what the point is in having the people out on the plain, other than to operate the strange cutthroat razor. I quite liked the steam punk ideas although in the end the scenes are revealed as being alarmingly amateur. I once made a film as a teenager which had better special effects. So, in summary, choose some other Beowulf, there are several.

Fun Fact: Rhona Mitra said she should have taken the advice not to do the film, because Rumania was a shithole! (Just her view of course).